Introduction

I adopted the name Pandora for myself years ago. I went through a stage of insecurity and rejection that reformed a lot of my opinions and beliefs. While the events that created the situation are key: I feel for now they are a waste of time. Today I have went by many names that were given to me or just "stuck". I am not so proud of some of those titles and today Pandora isn't one that I am known by. Pandora was a name I gave myself when I wanted some sort of power or confidence and that name did just that. I remember learning about Pandora in a Greek mythology class. I had heard of the myth long before but it didn't have the weight and vivaciousness it does for me now. Pandora almost became another personality in a way. She became a way for me to come out of my shell and do things that a shy, lonely girl would never do. I wore different clothes and carried myself as if I were invincible. I felt comfortable as long as I saw Pandora in the mirror and not me. I realize this doesn't seem healthy but I did a lot of things and saw a lot of thing I might not have. To me as long as I didn't hurt anyone or plot a horrendous crime; Pandora was the best coping mechanism I created.

It's safe to say that I out grew Pandora. I still cling to the name today in-case I need her again. What she did for me was to teach me that there wasn't anything to be afraid of and that worrying was a waste of time. She was a guardian to me and a friend that I needed badly to survive. I didn't turn into her or let her "take over" me. I basically took a back seat and watched, listened, and learned. Call me crazy if you wish but honestly everyone has a few screws lose if you ask me.

Lately, which it's been years since Pandora has been on the shelf, I feel her knocking on my door. She knows I am in trouble and is trying to let me know I have strayed from the path I am intended and need to re-think what I am progressing toward. I feel lost and broken again: a lot like I did when I created Pandora. I have let people in my life deplete my self-esteem and confidence to the point of depression. I will do what ever it takes to get on my feet again: at whatever cost. I am a believer that violence should be saved for self defense so maybe I shouldn't say at whatever cost. I don't want to project that image.

From what I remember about Pandora's story was that she was given that famous box and told not to open it. Of course she did and let evil out into the world but at the bottom of the box was placed a small gift: hope. Everyone thinks of Pandora with her box, because it completes her. It is part of her story. I often feel that I have let evil into the world by doing things I know I shouldn't, but even without my box hope is still out there. If I am to collect all of my bad deeds big and small I have to face the world and own up to my mistakes. This is what I will do.